Children, Training and Punishment – Shafqat Ali
When it comes to training children, the question arises as to whether or not to punish children. Most parents seem to question that children do not listen to us. We want to guide them but they do not listen to us. In the end, we have to reprimand them, rebuke them, and sometimes even punish them physically in order to persuade them. Is our attitude right?
What I have noticed in this regard is that most parents scold their children as a habit and not as a training. In the same way, they are giving corporal punishment to children on the basis of some psychological complication and not with the intention of educating the child. For example, taking out someone else’s frustration on children, when something went wrong, starting to scold the children and so on. This behavior is a totally unfair to children. Parents should regret it and immediately abandon this behaviour.
The other important thing is that if the children are not following us in the training process, the real reason is our own weakness and not the children’s fault. The truth is that we do not know how to guide children and we are not ready to learn all this. If we want to guide children, we have to be a guide and learn the art of guidance. The most important tasks in the art of guidance are: understanding the child, building a friendly relationship, and communicating effectively. Here are more details:
Understanding the child:
The most important thing in guidance is to understand the child, to understand his psychology, to understand his moods and likes and dislikes, and to take into account the individual differences between children. Try to get the child to his level and understand why he is not following you. Does the child has any psychological or emotional problem?
Because the child has fewer words, he mostly describes his problem with his actions. He is stubborn or does the opposite of what we say. But instead of understanding his problem, we get angry and slap him. This behavior of ours makes the child suffer more psychological and emotional problems. So take note of the child’s condition with patience and think about what the real problem is. It may take a few days to think about it and come to the right conclusion, so keep working patiently. After a few days you will know the stimuli and reasons behind your child’s misbehavior. Just address these triggers and causes.
Establishing a friendly relationship:
Establishing a friendly relationship means a loving and trusting relationship between you and the child that the child understands well. The way to build this relationship is to start giving him your quality time. That is, a time that may be small in quantity but special; a time when you are fully available to him and your heart and mind are towards him. You can play with him at this time, listen to him, watch something useful on TV or YouTube, start doing some housework together, take him out for a walk, go shopping or take him away for food, etc.
Effective communication is very important in training children and listening to the child as well. Listen carefully to your child and make him feel that he is being paid attention to. Give your child a chance to talk openly about his problem. Before talking to your child, think about which words to use. Also, check to see the time when your child is in a position to listen and understand you. Explain to your child in simple, meaningful and clear words. Be sure to keep your tone of voice clear and keep eye contact. Try to talk in the form of questions that give the child a chance to think and understand.