Take a fresh look at your lifestyle.

On the edge of death – Azeem ur Rehman Usmani

This is an old incident occurred many years ago. I had chest pain for a few days, but that day, while traveling in the London train, both the heart pain and chest tightness felt worse. I dialed emergency medical number so I can make an appointment with the doctor tomorrow morning. Over the phone I was asked some questions about the nature of my pain, location, severity and family medical history. Then he said to get down at the next train station because there is a high possibility of a cardiac arrest i.e. a heart attack. As soon as the train door opened at the station, two staff members were waiting for me. They wanted to hold me but I refused by smiling and indicating that I was fine. A chair was arranged for me on the platform and I was given water. About five minutes had passed when a large van-like ambulance arrived to pick me up. A small clinic was built inside the ambulance where various machines including ECG were available. Tests were done inside and after seeing the result, the friendly face of the medical staff waved the shadows of concern. I was told that you will need to be taken to a heart specialist hospital at this time, where you can have proper tests.

I agreed and called a relative and a close friend and informed them. I was rushed to the hospital and then to the ward like an emergency. Various devices were attached to the entire chest for testing, which were connected to a large machine. Blood tests were done quickly. During this time I was convinced that I was suffering from a heart attack which could have been fatal. Just in this situation I looked inside myself and asked, “How are you feeling Mr. Azeem? What will happen if your death time has come without your dear ones in this hospital in London?… I was pleasantly surprised to find that I was not at all afraid of the possibility of death, but was smiling despite the pain in my chest. I was constantly praying to Allah that, O Lord, if my time has come and you are pleased with me, then I have no desire for life! It’s not exactly that I’m tired of life. No, not at all. By the grace of God, I have no complaints, no regrets. My childhood, boyhood, youth, and now mature age have all been full of blessings and happiness. I love the colorfulness of life and I have been living joyously. But at the same time I know that death is not the end, but a new beginning. Then what is the difference if I go tomorrow or today at this moment? If the great Lord is pleased with this sinner, then why the delay?

I asked myself any worldly regrets? Related to parents, wife, children or wealth etc.? The answer was clearly no. Yes, I am sorry for the many sins that I have committed throughout my life; I am sorry for the good opportunities that I have deliberately missed; I am sorry for my unworthiness and my laziness that I have been doing in duties and obligations. Still, there is a sense of satisfaction in the heart, a sense of pride, that if this is my time, God willing, there is no need to worry. In these thoughts, the doctor informed that his initial assessment was wrong. The tests clearly show that my heart is fully functional at this time. The cause of this pain is the last part of the rib cage that meets the respiratory tract where the injury has occurred. It was treated approximately for ten days and the pain ended Alhamdulillah. Sometimes I think that it would have been good if I had left the world in that good state of faith. Otherwise, the state of faith and heart of a weak person like me keeps changing. Who knows, at the time of departing from this world one’s soul is in a state of sin or in a state of obedience? Then I shake my thoughts and pray to the Most Merciful for steadfastness in faith and death on it. Ameen.